The gift of the womb is an inexplicable phase in a woman’s life.
The transition from a girl to a daughter to a wife and then to a mother contributes much to the joy of motherhood. For instance, the first heartbeats of a new life awaken a fulfilling joy in every woman. Individuality is a secret ingredient to retain the maturity, serenity, and adaptability of motherhood. On attaining puberty, a girl is physically preparing for this mom to be stage. What about the mental transformation and strength?
Where does she get it from?
Is there a concept of a good mother?
What preparations are essential for the different stages?
Questions as these would have flashed across every married and unmarried girl.
Firstly let’s leave apart the stigmas and myths surrounding the world of motherhood. You too can make it a beautiful cherishing phase of your life. And it’s not just women but men that also make this phase so perfect for the newcomer.
No two experiences are Identical
I have seen young women panicking over becoming a mother. They become loaded with a lot of opinions, advice, and suggestions. It is great to seek help but remember that nobody can give the correct answer to your problems. Furthermore, each one has got their own willingness, body adaptability, strategies. This works best for you alone. So in short, you are the judge of your choice.
‘Mom to be’ involves a lot of physical, mental, and spiritual involvement. The inability to balance anyone would reflect in your life. Therefore, I would call those nine months of growth and the trimesters as a consistent communication between the child and mother. It varies from individual to individual. Doctors can definitely guide you. But let me strongly insist that your mind and body decide the rest.
Son or Daughter
The world has advanced so much in all aspects of life. But still, we cannot deny the challenges and pressure faced by a couple during pregnancy. We often talk of equality but are we seriously following it? It’s a question for concern!
A mother should treat a boy child and a girl child with equality. The guidance and direction differ.
Let me make this point clear. The path involved in nurturing the child would be slightly different between boys and girls. Give the least importance to what the society or family demands. Remember that every creation is crafted with dexterity. Be it a boy or a girl!
Teach your boys to respect humanity especially women. Train your girls to be patient, to listen and observe. A mutual rapport is what makes a beautiful world.
Mental tuning and moulding
While preparing to become a mom you would have read all the necessary books, did a lot of research, from experts. Well, this “mom to be” phase is not simply easy. Of course, it helps you to understand the processes involved but not completely.
The first step is to set your mind to adapt to your changes. Then it is quite easy to adjust accordingly to the child’s needs. In most cases, women tend to forget themselves when they become a mom. This is partially accepted by a few societies too. But it is not a healthy approach as ‘mom to be’ is also ‘mine to be’. You become a fuller version of yourself in this phase. It is not practical to be fully prepared before you actually become a mom.
Changes in Body and Mind
There will be impeccable changes happening in your body. Though it varies from person to person, let’s take a look at some fundamental changes.
Your joints and muscles experience a shift. Sometimes it totally leads to a minor change in the body frame. The flow of blood speeds up through arteries and veins. The rate of heartbeat increases. Hey, it’s completely prepared to give the most luxurious experience to your baby!
Every organ undergoes a change at the beginning of pregnancy. The changes in the expansion of muscles lead to acid creation and sometimes indigestion. This is the reason why some experience morning sickness, nausea, etc. The heart works extra hard to pump the blood for all the different ongoing processes in the body.
Extra information on the exact changes in the body could be found in the links provided. Let me brief you on things that you should in mind while preparing to be a mother.
Generally, the gray matter in the brain reduces with a decrease in social cognition. This can increase emotional turbulence due to hormonal changes. Of course, vitamins and minerals supplement your body to help function better. Therefore it requires extra efforts to generate positive feelings for both mother and baby.
Also read: Boosting your Mental Health during Pandemic
Most of us are aware of postpartum depression but nobody really talks about depression during pregnancy. I have heard women telling that it’s taken with ease by themselves and those around. Well, depression during pregnancy should be given some concern and care. However, bold or strong a woman is, it has a minor to severe impact on women. There can be changes in sleep patterns, mood changes, inability to cope with stress, etc. You might be wondering that these are the symptoms found in people suffering from depression as well. Hence, people take these minute changes in behavior very lightly. The attitude of society won’t change within days but we could change ours soon. Although, counselors could be of help. A good rapport with a friend or a family member is also good. It is important to keep away your thoughts from anxiety and predictions.
This type ranges from moderate to severe depression in a woman after giving the delivery. Besides, it occurs either immediately after giving birth or up to a year later. Usually, it’s seen within the first three months of the post-delivery phase. The hormonal and metabolic changes in the body cause fluctuation in the mood of a woman. Even environmental and family relationships could be one of the causes. Whereas, most people rebuke it as the incapacity to adapt to being a new mother. It is not correct always. There are multiple types of changes happening in a woman’s body during and after pregnancy. In short, the best solution would be to surround yourself with loving, caring, and enthusiastic people.
Do not hesitate to talk about it with the right people.
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Lack of sleep is also a major cause of this. Social, personal or emotional issues could worry especially after delivery. Just like other stages this too is a passing cloud!
Good or Bad Mother?
You have decided to be a mother. Hey, it is a lifetime achievement and commitment. Assuredly responsibilities increase but it shouldn’t burden your shoulders forever. It is your personal right and not a mere duty to be the best version of ‘mom to be’.
Is there anything called good mothers and bad mothers? I often hear and see people tag others this way. Trust me; even women themselves don’t refrain from tagging other women.
There should not be space for any guilt for all that you have done for your baby. It is perfect! And you are a good mother. There are no parameters to measure how good you are. Simply take up the responsibility and given in your best. Motherhood is a joy and not just a challenge.
Some women may feel bizarre even at the first look of their baby. It is not abnormal. It will take time to gel and mingle with the new life.
Also read: Avoid Negativity
After nine months of the baby in the womb, there will be a lot of strong emotions. Sometimes it cannot be defined. Mothers grow to love and admire their children.
Know your needs. Listen patiently to your child’s needs too. Classify, prioritize and pave the way for it. This is where many women fumble as they listen to all the so claimed “experts” out there. Every time it won’t work out as your decisive power is the best for your situation.
Always keep in mind that nobody can list or assign duties to a mother. It does not make any sense. There are a purpose and validity for ‘mom to be’ which lasts for eternity.
Above all support the women in need. Mental support could help people to evade all the negative effects. This is an effect especially when a woman helps another. Yes, men are doing it amazingly well these days!
Erase off all judgments, gossips, and curiosity but help the one in need. A listening ear would be a good source of comfort. Put an arm around the one in need and just whisper that it is fine to be disconnected and disillusioned. This happens!
The new gift in your womb is precious. This part of the upcoming generation is your responsibility too. As parents, we do love through our children. Always spare slender time for reflections, thoughts, and self-care. Meditate and spend some time in silence to listen to your inner self. Mothers are always busy but do not forget the purpose and fulfillment of that schedule. Many people pause and think after crossing their 40s and then they get frustrated over all that they missed. Gradually the pause becomes a full stop. Let not your life stop at any point of your lifetime. Train yourself to think with the mind than the heart.
Last but not least, be prepared for the reality. Pregnancy could be the best or even the worst stage of your life. Just enjoy the bitterness/sweetness. Just like dark chocolates, the bitterness gives you a sweet relaxing taste in the mouth. Pregnancy is not just flaunting your baby mom, bridal showers, pouring affection, lots of food, mood swings, etc. It is much more!
You are the indomitable designer and the architect of that unknown part. Do not try to fit into somebody else’s perfect circle.